Here is the ship I flew today. The instructor was impressed, to say the least.



Naaaah, it was actually this one.



I've updated the 'Learning to fly' link on the right hand side - check it out if you're interested.

Just heard a phrase on the TV. Listen, you'll love this.

"...Viking seamen appeared on the English shore."

Hhuhhhuuuhhh...Uh...huhhhhuhuhuhhuhuhuh.

When I was in high school I remember having an argument with a teacher about whether or not it was possible for a helicopter to perform a 360 degree roll.



Well, Mr Pitcher?!?!?! Are you reading this!?!?!??!

More about the party Saturday night.

The music being played was that euro-trash-hypno-trance-rave stuff.

The floor was polished hardwood.

The snacks stayed mostly untouched.

"In McMahons Point, 9/10 women are 9/10 women."

"Normality may be the death of personality, but individuality stifles conformity."

And that's all I have to say about that.

Unsanitised photos of the war in Iraq. Be warned that some of the photos are a little disturbing.

"War is not nice." - Barbara Bush

Went to a party at Boz's place last night. Highlights include;

* Finding a parking space in Milsons Point.
* Seeing Luna Park, the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House all out of the same window.
* Meeting a real live writer.
* Having two people eat bananas at me in a very provocative way.
* Not being the weirdest person in the room.
* In fact not even being in the running.

Was supposed to fly today. Bankstown socked in. That's pilotspeak for no can see so no can fly.

Eye.

Courtesy of John.

"Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons being assembled immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the act made in the first year of King George for preventing tumultuous and riotous assemblies. God save the King."

give the chicken orders.

Australian men beware - Sydney Community College is offering a seven-week course to teach men how to become "modern".

Ok - I have no problem with any of this - go nuts, get manicures, wear cucumber slices over your face mask and take goats milk and royal jelly baths for all I care. This quote struck me as odd, though - "Despite the general image of the ocker Australian bloke who hasn't been near a bar of soap..." What a load of absolute tosh. Since when is that the stereotype? Australian men have always been frequent bathers - why the hell else would we poke fun at the poms for being adverse to a jolly good scrub?

This could be me. I'd better check. I don't think it's me but maybe I'm just used to the "overpowering" smell.

"The National Museum of Australia doesn't look like a museum." Why the hell not? Whatever happened to the museums where you could go and see a lot of really old, dusty crap? I LIKE looking at old, dusty crap. If I wanted to look at new, dusty crap I could stay at home. If museums want to educate, sweet, but why use computers and design features and modern art to do it? Give me the British Museum any day. Full of dusty, old and old, dusty crap stolen from around the world.

Flight 3. Why can't I get the hang of taxiing? I also chickened out from talking on the radio. D - must try harder.

Flight no.2 and I'm still buzzing. The instructor let me fly the whole approach and plonk it down on the runway.

My instructor was a guy by the name of Rod Pennington - top bloke. He recently contributed to an article in Oz FHM - how to land an airplane. Unfortunately the journalist fucked up some of the details, as journalists are wont to do. Trust me, this guy KNOWS which way the throttle goes in a Cessna.

Mick tells me that mad people often ask him for assistance in the supermarket. Darling old ladies who ask for help before growing an extra row of teeth and hurling abuse, foreigners who ask the whereabouts of products that simply don't exist, that sort of thing. Recently, whilst standing waiting in the queue at the checkout, the woman behind him said to him "pssst...can you see if there's something down my pants?" Far from being an invitation to examine her genitalia, she was actually asking if Mick could see the item she was attempting to shoplift. He asked the question, "what am I supposed to say to that?" A few different people had opinions as to what he could have said, but I said you can't go past a good "fuck off!"

Trust me, I've used it on mad people before and it works a treat. At 6am I once told a gentleman who wanted to describe the glories of heaven to fuck off in exactly those words and he disappeared before I could get the key out of the lock. I told a tramp who demanded a cigarette to fuck off and when I turned around all that remained was a puff of dust and the faint odor of wee.

Never underestimate the power of a short, sharp fuck off.

'And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters; And the name of the star is called Wormwood: and the third part of the waters became wormwood; and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter.' - Revelation 8:10,11

The Ukrainian word for wormwood is Chernobyl.

Wormwood is a plant from which a bitter oil is produced, which is used as a purgative and in the drink absinthe. While the passage sounds like a spooky prophecy about the end of the world, and maybe it is, wormwood was known in ancient times as a bitter purgative oil and was synonymous with the consequences of sin. So it's traditionally interpreted to mean that at the end of time God will rain down bitterness and poison the earth to punish the sinners.

But do you want to see something REALLY scary?

Thanks to Coop.

Also - go here and join the fun.

Warning - it gets a little 'blue.'

Students in capsicum spray standoff


If you storm and occupy the chancellory buildings and barricade yourselves in, you're kind of asking for some sort of violent response, aren't you? What do you bloody expect, a bunch of flowers and a kiss goodnight? The rest of Australia, who work for a living or can't find work at all couldn't give a shit, you self-centred little turds.