Wednesday, December 03, 2003

I spent the weekend at my parents place in my hometown in Country NSW. I should point out that although I've lived in Sydney for over ten years I actually grew up in a smallish town Which Will Remain Nameless, mostly for legal reasons. I'll give you a hint though - the cicadas there are going NUTS this summer. Deafening.

While I was there I spent a couple of hours in Kmart doing some Xmas shopping. I was nearly knocked over by the breathtakingly ugly appearance of a lot of the people shopping there. It appears that 9/10 of the inhabitants of my hometown could find employment as circus freaks if they so desired, in between shifts at the acid-factory and working as extras in Mad Max films. The town breeds some sort of mutant hillbilly westie redneck variant. I don't remember if it was always that way and my absence has given me some perspective, but take a quick look at the pic at the top of this page tell me if you think I'm in the relatively normal humanoid 10% or if I'm in the circle-working, good-trackie-dak-wearing, gorilla-biscuit-looking, penrif-panfers-supporting, angels-rads-coldchisel-fan 90%. On second thoughts, don't.

I overheard the following conversation;
"Was it your birthday yesterday, Blake?"
"Sorry, Brock. And were you seven or eight?"
As amusing as that exchange was, I was struck by the kids name. Apologies to all the teeming millions of Brocks out there, but can you get a more Westie name than that? Why not call your kid Monaro and be done with it?
"These are my kids Brock, Monaro, Moffatt, Torana, Brabham, Charger and Dickjohnson. Oh and Bargwanna is on the way."
Pardon me for being old fashioned, but whatever happened to John, Paul, George and...well, not Ringo, but Matthew, Mark, Luke and Simon? Or would that be too judeo-christian-centric and therefore culturally excluding to the Zoroastrians, Sethians, Callithumpians and the Temple of Herectical Zealots?

Don't get me wrong, Brock is probably a good kid and it isn't his fault his parents are bogans. After all, who among us gets to choose his own name? I just reckon Australia needs less Brocks, Dylans, Jordans, Ashtons and Beckhams and more Trevors, Ians, Bruces and Rodneys.

Apologies to the Brocks, Dylans, Jordans, Ashtons and Beckhams reading this and polishing knives.


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