Everyone knows that the US produced a set of playing cards for their troops to identify the most wanted Iraqis during Gulf War II. How did they decide who to include and who not to include? I know that the Iraq Propa...uh...Information (snigger) Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf (aka Comical Ali) wasn't included. I'm sure they could have squeezed him in on a joker. Was he disappointed or relieved? What about an important figure like the Iraqi Post Master General? Although in Iraq he's probably the Post Master Field Marshal. I wondered if all 52 were bad dudes or whether some were just making up the numbers. Well, here is a selection. Enjoy.


This guy shouldn't be hard to spot, what with his pin-stripe shirt and pin-stripe face. It's Zebra man with one wonky eye.

Focus! Focus! This bloke also has one of the least enviable jobs in the Iraqi military.

What evil lurks in the hearts of men? There are quite a few like this - loser nobodies without a photo and names seven feet long. How is the above photo supposed to help you identify anyone? Unless he was wearing a black hooded jumper and facing the other way.

Mind you, a lot of the blokes look so similar you might as well just use the same photo. Isn't the second guy just the first guy with his eyebrows raised?

Apparently they raided some high school yearbooks for some of the photos. By the way, Sabawi was voted most likely to advise the President.

This one taken while holidaying in Basrah. Pass the sunblock, Uday!

One fat, bloated bullfrog in fancy dress, coming up.

This poor bloke is retired. Tell the yanks to scour the nursing homes for Henry Szeps. If anyone knows what RCC stands for let me know. So far the guesses are Rockdale City Council, Randwick Cricket Club, Roman Catholic Community, Radio Controlled Car or the Rover Car Club.

Basil Fawlty impersonator wanted.

And lets not forget the major. Papers arrived yet, Fawlty?

And Manuel while we're at it. Next week we'll round up the cast of Blackadder.