Apparently I'm not the only one who struggles with social awkwardness at the chemist. A friend of mine recently had surgery to remove some skin cancers. After the doctor was done torturing and dissecting parts of his body he was given a prescription and told to toddle off down the chemist for some sort of unguent to aid the healing process. So off to chemist number one he goes.

Chemist number one doesn't have the specific balm although they might be able to get it in by Monday. Thanks but no thanks. I need this particular medical salve urgently he replies.

Chemist number two has the requisite tincture and at a cheaper price. This is good my friend says because I need to use quite a lot of it. Do you indeed says Chemist#2.

Home again and slather the stinking emollient over the gaping holes in his skin where once moles stood proudly. The medicated liniment comes portioned in tiny sachets and the first one is only half used. What to do. This embrocation is quite expensive and he does not want to waste any. I shall call my mother he says as mothers usually have the good oil on these topics. Read me the instructions says my friends mother to my friend. OK he says this cream is used to treat genital and anal warts mum I will call you back later.

My friend now rings Chemist No.2 and asks his advice on the ointment he bought earlier. Chemist numero duo explains that he can wrap the packet in glad wrap and keep it in the fridge until he is ready to apply it again. My friend goes to great lengths to ask why he was prescribed it oh yes says the chemist I have had quite a few people prescribed this for skin cancers. Purely so that the chemist does not think my friend has genital or anal warts otherwise there is no way he could go back and face the chemist again.

This is true.