Friday, February 23, 2007

For those that have been too bored to pay attention, here is a quick summary of todays national meeting concerning the future of the Murray Darling.

PM: I see you are all with us today, excepting the Chief Minister for the Northern Territory, who simply replied with a note scrawled on a beer coaster which said 'gone shootin,' and the Premier for Tasmania whose invitation was inexplicably lost in the post. But that's ok, because everyone knows they aren't really part of Australia, anyway. I shall go around the room and ask the Premiers whether they are in favour or against this proposal.

ACT: I'm in favour, for a number of reasons, primarily...

PM: You're in favour, then? Thank you, but no one cares about anything else you have to say, the largest user of water in the ACT is the golf course, followed closely by the lawn of Parliament House. WA?

WA: {muffled, from the back of the room} Although not directly effected, WA...

PM: Is WA not here?

WA: Yes, but we've been given terrible seats...

PM: They're probably late. Nevermind, we'll take that as in favour, they'll get the news in three hours. Look WA, I know it's a long plane ride, I've been past WA myself on the way to somewhere else, but you could at least pretend to be interested in what happens on the east coast. After all, we pretend to be interested in what happens in the west. QLD?

QLD: Look, the most important question is, is this scheme best for Australia? And more importantly, is it best for Queensland?

PM: There's a buck in it for you...

QLD: Sold.


{groans around room}

SA: We are going to take the high road on this issue and question whether a bunch of filthy convicts really deserve our water, although you could clearly use it to wash with. There is a moral principle involved with ceding our rights and reserves without so much as a...

PM: There's a buck in it for you, too.

SA: Sold.


NSW/VIC: {together} What do the polls say is the popular choice?

{whispering with shadowy advisors}

NSW: For

VIC: Against.

PM: Excellent. We are all in agreement then, more or less. I'm so glad we can all put our parochialisms aside and do what's best for the people of Australia.


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